Firsts
by chibisanzo
Summary: The many firsts Tamaki had experienced with Kyouya. Kyouya x Tamaki


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The first time Tamaki kissed Kyouya, it was under a mistletoe, and egged on by a dozen fangirls who wanted their money's worth. It was awkward since Tamaki and Kyouya had never gotten onto the boys' love genre, preferring to leave it to the twins and MoriandHoney. He knew they were never going to hear the end of it as he reached up, curled his hands around Kyouya's neck and planted a soft kiss on his lower lip. He knew Kyouya was just as shocked as he was, as their chests were pressed together and he could hear the thumping of Kyouya's heart, beating furiously underneath his pressed shirt. But he supposed it didn't end badly, since Kyouya had kissed him back, and when they had parted, Tamaki was panting for breath but he hid it behind a dazzling smile for the girls.

Ever since then, there were many times when he would look across the room and catch Kyouya's eye, and he would remember Kyouya's mouth, soft and sweet upon his, and he was fairly certain Kyouya could see it in his eyes so he would always look away.

The first time Kyouya got a girlfriend, was also the first time Tamaki fought with Kyouya. He didn't understand it, the angry feelings that welled up or the hurt he fought to keep off his face each time her name was mentioned, until it boiled over one day and he'd walked off, slamming the door in Kyouya's shocked face, not wanting to listen anymore where they'd been and what they had for lunch. All he could imagine was Kyouya pressing his face to her collarbone in a disused room, and one hand up her shirt, and he had ran and ran, wanting to be nowhere near his best friend.

He confessed to Haruhi the very next day. Kyouya had watched him from the shadows, and he had known Kyouya was watching, so he smiled very tenderly, and brushed Haruhi's hair away from her temple. She glared at him from underneath her furiously pink cheeks and stalked off haughtily, saying that she had no time for games.

Kyouya was cold for the subsequent week, and Tamaki had to swallow many times to clear the bile in his throat as Kyouya moved around him, treating him like the many inanimate and expensive objects in the room. He was furious with him, he could tell from the glint in his glasses, and the violent, jerky way he wrote in his clipboard.

It was hard to be around papa and momma caught in a cold war so the music room was empty while it lasted. While nobody knew why they were in a fight, everybody knew better than to get themselves involved, although, the twins had tried to make things better by locking the both of them up in an empty room. It had been a disaster. Tamaki found himself babbling, and shoving piteous puppy dog eyes at Kyouya to no effect. He hadn't meant for it to be that way. He wasn't jealous of Kyouya having a girlfriend. He wanted his best friend to be happy, and if it took another person to do it, so be it. He hadn't meant to play mind games and toy with Haruhi's feelings. But it was futile, he was fooling himself, because he wanted nothing better to shove Kyouya against a wall and kiss him senseless although he wasn't allowed to because Kyouya was angry, and had jerked his hand away, out of reach, when Tamaki had tried to take it.

The rejection had hurt, and long after they had made up, he didn't dare to touch Kyouya. He did not put his head on his shoulder like he used to, he did not lead Kyouya around by the elbow like he used to, and he forgot, with an ache so dear he couldn't breathe, how it felt to lean against Kyouya when it was hot and lazy and he was sleepy. He wondered about it at night, and tried to remember how well their hands had fit together, and he could not remember because he did not know it was going to be the last time when he had held Kyouya's hand in his and dragged him to put sense into the twins when they had stolen his teddy yet again and refused to tell him where it was.

The first time Tamaki realized he loved Kyouya, actually realized that it was love, not parental affection, not protectiveness, was when it was Kyouya's birthday and Tamaki had snuck into his bedroom to surprise him. He had been asleep, buried deep inside his covers, his blankets covering all but his face. And even though Kyouya's girlfriend had official rights to a midnight birthday surprise, Tamaki justified that his girlfriend did not know, would never know, that Kyouya hated surprises, and Kyouya mumbled incoherent stuff like "Where's your teeth, Hikaru?" in his sleep, and Kyouya always slept on his back, so his girlfriend had no right to see him like that and he had sprung upon Kyouya, jolting him out of sleep and casting murderous eyes at Tamaki. But he recognised the gaze, like how he recognised when Kyouya was being cruel kind, or really pissed off, and he knew it was murderous but with fond affection.

The thing about love was that it took two to waltz, and Tamaki knew that he had to be content with watching from the sidelines, had to be happy just to see Kyouya smile even though it wasn't him that put the smile on his face. It was hard, and it was difficult, but Tamaki was determined to try.

The first time he was seriously angry, was when Kyouya deliberately went all out to pair Haruhi and him together. He didn't understand why he kept pushing him away, towards Haruhi, but he kept being fooled and tricked into compromising situations with Haruhi until he couldn't stand it, and had to burst. He would ask Kyouya out, and he would agree, but Tamaki would end up at the mall with an equally confused and bewildered Haruhi with Kyouya nowhere in sight. They would make plans to watch a movie, but Tamaki would be caught in a double date, Kyouya with his girlfriend, and Haruhi with him.

Kyouya didn't do things unless he had something to gain from them, and Tamaki didn't appreciate being treated like a trade object, didn't like that the thing that Kyouya would be gaining was his absence and more time with his girlfriend since he had gotten rid of annoying, pesky little Tamaki.

Kyouya was shocked when he ranted and raved and accused him of throwing him away until all that was left was an empty husk, and Tamaki had stared forlornly at Kyouya, his eyes red, and his chest heaving. He didn't know what to do in the silence that followed, he wasn't accustomed to hostile situations, and he had had enough so he had turned to walk away, if it was what Kyouya wanted.

Only, he was stopped because Kyouya had trapped him between the wall and himself and received an earful about how anyone could be as _stupid _as himand that nobody could possibly be so selfless and just what was it that Tamaki wanted out of him?

As it turned out, both only wanted to see the other happy. And both thought the only way to do it was to step out of the way.

He felt the beginnings of something fluttering in his stomach, and looked at the way Kyouya was staring at him, and he knew. When Kyouya leaned in possessively to kiss his mouth, Tamaki closed his eyes and reached out his hands to pull him close, wanting to feel the thump of his heart against his own again.

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The first time Kyouya slept on his side was when Tamaki had woken up, mouth pressed against Kyouya's neck in his bed, legs curled around Kyouya's own. Tamaki was loud and annoying and too cheerful in the morning, but Kyouya had merely shut him up by smothering him with his arms and dropping kisses on his temple before he drifted back to sleep. 


End file.
